Is it time to stop breastfeeding?

May 16

Weaning is the part no one talks about.

So much time is spent on establishing breastfeeding—perfecting the latch, positioning, milk supply.

In comparison, no one is talking about the end. And parents need just as much support at the end as at the beginning.

If you’re currently breastfeeding and beginning to wonder, “Is it time to wind down?”, let’s get into it.

The decision to wean

Once breastfeeding is well established, it becomes a magic tool that fixes just about any issue your baby may have.

Tired? Breastfeed.
Hurt? Breastfeed.
Overstimulated meltdown? Breastfeed.
Sick and miserable? Breastfeed.

Breastfeeding can feel like a parenting cheat code.

When you’re considering weaning, it’s helpful to ask yourself if you’re ready to give up this magic tool.

If the answer is, “yeah, I can manage”, the next step is to consider why you want to end breastfeeding.

Weaning can feel emotionally hard for both you and your child. Knowing your why helps you stay grounded when those moments come.

There are many reasons people choose to wean. Let’s explore some.

Sleep

It’s common to think that ending breastfeeding will result in a better night’s sleep.

Although you may be waking frequently, breastfeeding is an excellent sleep inducer. So if you end breastfeeding, you will be losing an effective and efficient way to help your child get to sleep.

Since weaning won’t necessarily fix your child’s sleep issues, it’s worth exploring how else you can make improvements. A sleep coach who really understands infant feeding could help with this.

Safety concerns

Maybe you’re concerned about the safety of breastfeeding while taking a certain medication, having a medical procedure, or getting a tattoo or botox. You may have been told that these things aren’t compatible with breastfeeding.

The truth is that we’re often given outdated breastfeeding information from professionals. This stems from a lack of understanding combined with an abundance of caution.

If you’re in this situation, it’s best to double check the advice that you’re given. Here are some great resources:

Infant Risk Center (has articles on safety and a call center)

LactMed (a searchable database)

Fertility

Have you been told that you need to stop breastfeeding in order to get pregnant again?

The truth is that most people can return to full fertility while breastfeeding. The average time it takes to restart menstruation during lactation is 14 months.

If you’re struggling to return to fertility but want to continue breastfeeding, you may want to:

Try to go for longer stretches between nursing sessions, particularly overnight. This can help signal the hormonal shift that’s needed for ovulation to occur.
Seek out support from an expert in fertility, but be wary if that person is telling you that you “have to wean” in order to get pregnant.
Check out books like Adventures in Tandem Nursing and Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

Heading back to work

Many parents have a hard time imagining how they’ll combine work with breastfeeding.

If your baby is old enough (generally around 12 months), you may be able to skip pumping altogether. It is possible for an older baby to just eat solids and have sips of water while away from you, and nurse in the evening and overnight.

If your baby is under 12 months, you may need to pump while you’re at work in order to keep up with your baby’s needs. While pumping at work does require planning and logistics, it is possible for most people. In many countries, including the U.S., the law is on your side.

For support with returning to work, check out my comprehensive program, The Confident Return to Work.

Pressure from friends or family

If you’re feeling pressure to end breastfeeding, that’s a difficult place to be.

Your friend or family member sees you struggling with something - sleep, mental health, feeling overwhelmed - and they think breastfeeding is causing the problem.

Your partner may worry that breastfeeding limits their own connection with the baby.

They’re looking for a way to help you but they don’t understand breastfeeding.

The question is, do you see breastfeeding as the problem?

If the answer is no, you’ll have to find ways to cope with the pressure that’s coming from your partner, friend or family member.

That might mean providing more information on why you want to continue.

It could mean distancing yourself from this person.

Or it could mean standing firm in your values while allowing others to have different opinions.

None of this is easy.

And honestly, breastfeeding is just one of the topics that people will be critical of during your parenting journey. Finding your own way to navigate this is an important aspect of figuring out who you are as a parent.

Do you need boundaries?

Imagine there’s a world where you could wean your child without tears. Now imagine how you would feel being done breastfeeding.

You might feel relieved. Sad. Free. Emotional. Unsure.

A mixture of feelings is completely normal.

But if, underneath it all, your overall feeling is: I’m not actually ready to stop, there may be another option besides weaning.

What you may need is more autonomy within your breastfeeding relationship.

That can look like creating gentle boundaries around nursing. Some examples are:

asking your child to wait a few minutes before nursing
ending a nursing session when you feel done, even if your child would like to continue
limiting breastfeeding to certain times or places
redirecting behaviors that feel irritating during nursing (like twiddling, pinching, or putting fingers in your mouth) by offering an alternative comfort item, toy, or fidget

Breastfeeding is a relationship between two people. Your needs matter too.

It’s possible to continue breastfeeding while also honoring your own comfort, boundaries, and autonomy.

What if you want to stop?

However, if you’re truly struggling with breastfeeding - feeling angry, frustrated, gritting your teeth through nursing - this is definitely worth paying attention to. You may be reluctant to wean due to feeling that you have to continue breastfeeding in order to be a “good mother.”

Please hear this. You can stop breastfeeding if you want to.

Continuing to breastfeed when you’re feeling angry or resentful towards your child is harmful to you, and likely to your child. Children can sense when something is “off.”

What’s more important than breastfeeding is honesty, authenticity and self-care. These are values to model for our children.

Your child may feel sad about weaning. But sadness is not the same thing as disconnection.

When you meet your child with love, honesty, and compassion, they still feel safe.

And that matters far more than when breastfeeding ends.